How I have learned to think about migraines

My migraine life began in 2009. I used to think the pain and accompanying symptoms were because of something I'd done. Too stressed out? Yeah, I need to calm down. Two cups of coffee? Umm, I should cut back. Carrying my infant son around for too long because it felt good to hug and love him? Yeah, that's my fault and now I have a splitting headache.

Migraine is not just a headache, it's a whole host of nasty symptoms. Vertigo, brain fog, shoulder pain, light sensitivity, to name a few. Telling someone I have migraine disease helps me understand myself better and be more authentic in my migraine life. But I don't tell everyone and I'm very protective with myself. Sometimes I just shut down. I'd like to say I'm always my own best advocate, but sometimes I just want to be left alone to deal with my pain.

One study revealed that migraine causes strain and stress in relationships. That's for sure! Once a family member told me I had too many mysterious illness for her to keep track of. Ouch.

Here is me in St. Patrick's cathedral in New York. It can be hard to be vulnerable with migraine disease.

Migraine puts up barriers because it lacks consistency and predictability. I used to say yes when I meant no, then when I cancelled, people were let down. Thankfully my perspective has changed. I set boundaries. I'm okay staying home with my hubby and kids. I have no FOMO. I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt that said "You go big and I'll go home." I loved that.

I'm not an easy going person, but I'm not trying to be difficult. I struggle with small talk, toddlers, and movie theaters. If you felt like you were about to have a stroke because the TV was on, you'd want to go downstairs and lie down too.

On the bright side, after all these years, I find myself caring less about what people think and more about how I can share what I've learned.

I've learned so much in the 12 years I've had migraine. I'm excited about starting this web site. I'd love to hear from others how they navigate relationships. Whether you have migraine or are someone who loves someone with migraine, how do you communicate (or not communicate) about it? We need more common language to discuss migraine life.